3.25.09
Long Days
Not sure if it's this damp-at-times-mild-weather or what, but I've been nursing a headache ranging from pounding to dull for over a week now. I've been sleeping restlessly, as I often do here, as the girls share a room and I'm always on super-mom-hearing and hop up in worry that one will wake the other. The good thing is that Alena never wakes Leila before 5am, no matter how loud she is, and now Alena's getting to the point of deep-almost-toddler-sleeping (WAH!!!!) that Leila's restlessness this past week hasn't seemed to bother her.
I've been waking up with my jaw clenched, Steve says my headaches are from stress.
Yesterday was bad. We were storm stayed and the havoc being storm stayed at the end of March plays on you aside, Leila was especially, well, bratty and took a few time outs to get that under control. We braved the roads because if we stayed in this house all afternoon, I wasn't sure we'd all make it out alive. And I was pretty sure I'd be the casuality.
I also made the mistake of trying on my two-piece bathing suit last night and uhhhhhhhhhh. No getting around it, I'm short and stout. Sure I'm half fit and lean, but there's nothing like wanting to see something other than what you're seeing in the mirror to make you feel shitty enough to eat a big slice of cake. My legs are so thick, and my stomach is, well... other mothers know what I mean (will it ever tighten up??) and it left me feeling buldgey in all the wrong places and completely self conscious today.
In weaning news, I've been trying to keep Alena on a couple times a day, but no luck. When I offered her yesterday, she arched her back and pursed her mouth and I sat on the armchair and cried because goddamnit kid I'm not ready for you to grow up this fast.
The girls are both sleeping and what I could really use is a cup of tea, a long hot bath and a cuddle with Steve. Unfortunately, Steve is in Oromocto and the tub drain is broken so the tea alone will have to do.
I didn't mean to come here and whine whine whine but it's been a long, long ten days living out of suitcases and my parents' house taking care of the girls by myself. Dad is a great help in the evenings when he's here, but Leila being sick has made her more clingy and I think this move is disrupting her more than I thought it would.
Let's do positives. Alena has slept through the night, no feedings at all for the past four nights. The day after tomorrow we are headed to my parents' condo in Florida and I haven't been in three (?) years and I am soo looking forward to recharging in the sun, spending time with my mom (who's already there) and buying some pretty summer dresses and cute shoes for insanely less money than I would spend here. The painters are finished in the new house and I get to see it tomorrow, the plumber quoted us much less than we were expecting and for the first time in a looong time, we have no credit card debt (paid it off with some of our equity). Also, we really did it! We got back to Halifax, our favourite place. Kingston was good, I really liked it there. Oromocto sucked ass (excuse the expression) and aside from a couple friends we had there, there is absolutely nothing I'll miss. But Halifax has always felt like home, from the way the harbour mists covers the entire city, to the lift I feel in my chest as I arrive, I can just tell this is going to be a good home for us. The neighbourhood is filled with friendly (!!) people, lots of young mothers pushing strollers and runners and what looks to be triplets (!!!) in the house behind ours about 18 months old (I would guess) and the library is close and there's a park and just oh oh oh, I have that newly in love feeling when walking through our empty house and couldn't stop myself from smiling a big goofy grin and kissing Steve and hugging my girls.
Even when the days are long and I wish I had another option besides just get through this hour by hour, I am beyond blessed in my life.
We're headed to Halifax tomorrow and Florida Friday morning for a week. I'll update again from the new house in April.
wunderwuman at 12:41 p.m.