12.11.08
Passive Aggressiveness DRIVES ME Crazy
My younger brother is headed to Spain on December 22 to spend Christmas with his girlfriend. My older brother is flying into Halifax on December 24 and out on December 26. We'll be down on Saturday for five days. We're all kind of passing ships in the night, and while I'm sad I won't get to see my older bro, at least I'll get a few days with my younger one.
Since L will be away on Christmas, we're doing the whole gift swap thing Saturday afternoon/evening, then having our traditional Christmas Eve dinner of meat pie. Obviously I want the girls to be part of it, so we're eating early. Then Steve and I planned to meet some of his friends at a pub to have a couple drinks. It's the rare occasion that we get to do this.
I mentioned to my mom that we're planning on going out later that night and she got really upset. I told her we weren't planning on going out until later and weren't we going to eat early anyway so the girls could eat with us and open presents in the afternoon so they could enjoy it too? Anyway, she reluctantly agreed and then went on how we didn't even ask her if she would babysit but guess we just assumed that someone would be there to take care of the girls and I guess her or Dad could be home.
I was/am frustrated for a few reasons. Mostly, because Steve and I rarely get to go out together in the evenings and I was really looking forward to having a couple of drinks and now I feel all guilty about "ruining" everything and know I won't even enjoy myself anymore. Also, because my parents adore the girls and Mom has been talking about how excited she is to see them for two weeks so I know very well that they were planning on being home and every other time we're there, they want to babysit without us. I understand that she is feeling sad and emotional that J (older bro) is going to be the only one for Christmas, and she wanted us to sit around Saturday evening after the girls went to bed and listen to Christmas Carols and have a bottle of wine and while I really love spending time like that with my family, she's being very passive-aggressive and even if I could call her on it, it would only make her very upset, deny everything and be a big dramatic hoopla for months, with her going on about not wanting to intrude into our lives.
I feel like a jerk even writing these things, but if I don't, it will fester and then I'll be edgy and overly sensitive while we're there and snappy and uhhhhhhhh.
I told Steve to call me on my shit any time that I start being passive aggressive and not to let me do this to the girls when they're older.
Anyway, despite the giant bitch fest that this entry is, I actually am really looking forward to our Christmas visit, and bottles of wine drank after the girls are in bed and long conversations with my parents and L. We don't have our tree up, so Leila will be very excited to see my parent's, and they're taking her to church on Sunday (it's White Gift Sunday) and a big big extended family dinner Sunday afternoon, and Steve's grandparents to visit and a friend who hasn't yet met Alena or seen Leila in over a year, so it should be a really good time.
Today I'm trying to clean the house and pack our bags, since I know that tomorrow afternoon I won't have any energy. And I'm watching what I eat because this weekend I am leaving the Weight Watchers at home and eating fruitcake and roast beef and biscotti with my mid-morning coffee and not going to feel guilty about it.
wunderwuman at 12:58 p.m.