10.22.08
Stripes of Motherhood
Steve is working all evenings this week, and while tonight is proving to be a perfect opportunity to start my new book, I just wasted an hour on the internet looking at silly things and pictures of people I knew lifetimes ago.
I don't really have anything to say. Oh, I could talk about the glimpse I got of myself in the gym bathroom mirror today in my underwear and how two kids in two years has slaughtered my body and even though the weight is going, will it ever look like anything more than a previous housing ground for large babies? Or I could talk about my gain at WW this week which was expected because I was Bad with a Capital B last week and though I knew it was coming it left me blah. Or I could talk about the pregnancy test I took today because yet another month on Micronor has come and gone and no period in sight and while I never believe that I'm actually pregnant I wasn't about to pay for more pills if I was and I'm kind of tired of half-wondering if I am every month mostly because I really don't want anymore kids right now (see previous statement about body).
Everyone I know has young kids... but once they're older... is there any hope for my body? Any at all? Everything's good except my stomach. It's all wrinkly and oddly white (which I assume if from my lack of a two piece for three years now) and faint scars of stretch marks past and now that most of the baby weight is gone, there's this weird and ugly combination of too much skin and not enough fat to fill it out, so on top of scars and blinding paleness, it's, like... floppy?
Oh, I know the stripes of motherhood are to be worn proudly. And I know my children were worth my vanity and the self confidence that I have gained from being a mother is by no means comparable to the frivolous of wearing a bikini... but can't I have it all?
Anyway, this type of entry usually just ends up spiraling down into a place I try not to go, so instead of whining about my saggy, wrinkly, frighteningly-like-my-mother's stomach, perhaps I should go open that new book afterall.
wunderwuman at 8:15 p.m.