6.28.07
Frusterated and floundering
So I am here, alone in my parents house, while they are in Quebec, Steve is in Halifax and Leila is asleep upstairs. And I am reeling inside, from my appointment this afternoon. And I realized, as I sat down to write this, that my break is not going so well.
The doctor told me that I am Anovular, with no symptoms of Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome. Two weeks ago, he told me I most likely had Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome. I asked him what the cyst was from then. He asked me what cyst. I told him the cyst on my right ovary. He asked me what the ultrasound had said. I reminded him that I had not had the ultrasound yet because the hospital lost my requisition. He asked me how I knew about the cyst. I reminded him that he had done a pelvic exam on me, a mere two weeks ago. I asked him what type of cyst it was, fluid or solid. He asked me what the ultrasound said. I said in an aggravated tone that I had already told him I am still waiting for the ultrasound. He said there was no way to tell if it is fluid or solid from a pelvic exam (which I am pretty sure is bullshit). I asked him if he had sent my referral for a gyno, like I had requested. He said no because I have no reason to worry, a couple missed periods are not cause for great concern. I reminded him that it had been a year since I menstruated, he asked if I was opposed to the Birth Control Pill. I said I would rather get to the bottom of the problem before I went on the pill, plus I was on the pill for nine months after I gave birth and still no period. He said probably I would never know what the real problem was, but maybe my ovaries do not produce estrogen (which, by the way, I think might be ovarian failure, but I am writing this before I have spent any time Googling, so I will confirm or deny later). I reminded him about the gyno request, he sighed and agreed, I gave him a specific name and asked him if he should write that down in case he forgot. He asked me to go get blood tests done. I asked why he was sending me for the same blood tests that came back normal two weeks ago. He said because they need to be done on a specific day of your cycle to be accurate. I reminded him that I did not have a cycle, which is the reason we are going through all of this so without a cycle, does this not seem a little redundant? He said we could count this week as the first of my cycle, because of my Progesterone Challenge Test. I reminded him that I did not really have a period from this test, and anyway, if the blood has to be drawn on day three, well, it is already day five. He told me that he would calculate a 28 day cycle from last Monday. I asked him how many different times do I have to get blood drawn, he huffed and puffed a bit and when I asked him if he knew, he said not right off the top of my head, I will go check and come back. He never came back. The nurse came in and gave Leila her shots (we were a double whammy today) told us thank you very much, and (figuratively) kicked me in the ass on the way out the door.
I called Steve in tears from the car and we agreed to find me a new doctor, ASAP. I understand that things take a long time in the health system and that maybe there are no serious red flags in my file, as the doctor said, anovular menstruation is not a high-risk case. But I want a doctor who takes me concerns into consideration, or can give me a logical and factual answer as to why I am wrong. Not an explanation of We will probably never get to the bottom of this anyway. I told him we wanted more kids, and I told him I was concerned (he totally brushed over the cyst and painful intercourse part today � sex should not be painful at 26). At the very least, I want a doctor who looks at my file for five seconds before he comes into the room and is up to date on what is going on.
If I ever get this damn ultrasound (I am on 24 hours notice until I get in, and no one can give me any sort of frame of reference as to when that might be), I will at least feel a little better that someone (hopefully someone competent) has had a decent look at my insides. I feel like he would just gladly throw a packet of birth control pills at me to shut me up and then when I came in trying to get pregnant, throw some Clomid at me just as easily. That is not the kind of doctor I want taking care of me.
I am going to try to get in to see a Gyno in Halifax through some backdoor connections that I have, and hopefully the wait is not two years, like in NB.
That said, after a peaceful (thank you, Leila) but brooding drive across the boarder today, I am tired, lonely, a little scared and feel like I am floundering. More one of these days.
wunderwuman at 7:17 p.m.