02.05.07
Woah, is this really my life?
Did you ever have those moments where all of a sudden you can see your life as if you are looking in and then you stare at this woman with a child and it really seems like she knows what she is doing and she is getting married, so now not only is she a mom, but she is also going to be a wife and holy shit, when did this all happen?
I was at a friends house last Thursday and had packed Leilas lunch because I figured that she would need something to eat while we were there. Lunch time rolled around and she plunked her baby in his chair and I put Leila in a little bouncy seat to feed her and as I scooped sweet potatoes and apples into her pink little mouth, I looked at the woman beside me and at the baby and I felt like I was playing pretend.
I never believed that this would happen to me. Not the motherhood, because I knew I would eventually have children, even if I did it by myself. But the relationship. The engagement. The wedding. The marriage. And sometimes it leaves me reeling still.
These butterflies in my stomach when I think about those two rings tucked away in a drawer or when I think about walking down the aisle are new. I think about a wedding shower and a honeymoon and it all seems so surreal in a way. I have known that Steve and I would get married one day for a long time but all of a sudden one day is in three months not to mention that I just got used to telling people that my baby is six months old and all of a sudden she is almost eight months and has almost seven teeth and had her first drink of formula from a sippy cup today and is starting to look like a real little person with her own facial expressions and this stubborn side that is starting to show and every little milestone that we reach leaves me feeling both amazingly proud of her and heartbroken that this whole motherhood thing seems to be watching her grow away from me a little more everyday.
wunderwuman at 4:07 p.m.