11.28.06
Happiness and Satisfaction
Did I ever mention that I love owning a house? I think that it probably got lost somewhere along the lines of early motherhood and exhaustion, but really, it is so great.
I love coming home from my run and stripping off and getting in the shower. I love puttering in the kitchen. I love the way the door to the laundry room muffles the noise but you can still faintly hear the tha-thump of the dryer when you are upstairs. I love it because it is ours. We own it.
Know what else I love? Not getting up with Leila in the middle of the night. The past two nights, Steve has gotten up with her and rocked her and talked to her and she went back to sleep on her own. She wakes up, sometimes at ten, sometimes at two, sometimes at five, and she will not go back to sleep without breastfeeding. She is not hungry, just awake. And if I am the one going into the room with her, she will not settle until I feed her. So for the past two nights, Steve has gone in and I have waited in bed, feeling slightly guilty about being in bed while he was up.
It feels like time passes so quickly and that my days are filled and busy, busy, busy, and yet when I try to recount what I have been doing, I draw a blank. I have been meaning to call friends and my brothers, but the evenings slip by. I have been meaning to cook supper more, instead of always letting Steve do it, but all of a sudden it is bath time then bed.
There are sad days, when I am exhausted and want to cry. When I want to spend the night in front of my computer writing and explaining how this is all so hard and that I am going to throw up if I have to do one more load of laundry, or pick up one more wet towel, or get bit one more time by Leila. But those days are the exception to the rule, which is happiness and satisfaction. Most days I am happy and in love and blessed and saying Thank you to anyone up there who is listening.
PS- How can I resist?
Adorable!
And finally, friends at last!
wunderwuman at 1:16 p.m.