05.23.06
Take me to where I belong
You know, I told myself that maybe it was time for an entry about anything but this impending birth, but it really is all I can think about. So, sorry for that.
So, I have been reading on the internet daily hoping for a sign that my labour is imminent, because other than a few crampy moments, nothing so severe as losing my mucus plug or my water breaking has happened. And then I stumbled upon this. It does not give me much hope that I have been having all of those symptoms but backaches for two weeks now. Because in my books about to begin means, like, today or tomorrow, not cramps bad enough that they make me want Tylenol for two weeks running with no end in sight since the Midwife said there was still lots of room for baby to grow and really there are nine scheduled days left in this pregnancy anyway.
The weekend was good, though rainy. Originally I tried to convince Steve to go camping, but since it would require a two hour minimum drive, he was decided in his conviction that we had to stay home. Although I believe that being stuck in the middle of nowhere, two hours from our MW and hospital would have definitely sent me into labour, I realized that there was no way I would be able to get comfortable sleeping in a tent, camping would not be the same as the fun memories I have from last summer of sitting around a fire after a day of kayaking and drinking beer, and oh well it rained and was cold anyway.
My hopes were up pretty high this weekend, and even Steve felt in his heart that our baby would be born. But my blood pressure is back down and it is Tuesday and I am one week and one day away from my due date and now more than ever I have resigned myself to being pregnant for about two more weeks.
John is going home tomorrow, and my whole family will be together for my dads convocation (remember he is getting an honourary doctorate in Law? Hurray Dad!) this weekend and I am a little sad and lonely that I cannot be there with them. I have been the only one who was close for so long, that if anyone was around for family events, it was me. I have been to more Thanksgiving dinners and Easters, and weekend get-togethers with my family than the boys in the last few years, and this is the first one I have missed in over five years. So I am a little lonely for my family and a little sad that John probably will not get to meet the baby until she is a couple months old, and just, sigh because I miss my family today.
Aside from that I have been getting on average about half a dozen IMs per day that ask if the baby has been born yet. I told Steve that if I could, I would just look at someone every time they ask me that, shoot steam out my ears and whistle like a kettle, and then maybe they would get the idea of how frikin annoying it is to be asked where the baby is because she is obviously in my uterus which is the same place that she has been for the last nine flippin months and stop worrying, it is not going to slip my mind that I gave birth to a child and I am not going to somehow forget to tell everyone. As it is, I just close out the windows without responding.
By the way? I am huge. Any delight I had at looking at my ever-growing stomach in the mirror has pretty much disappeared, and instead I see myself with an unfathomably large bump under my shirt and I wonder how I could have ever been excited to get this big? My maternity shirts do not even cover my stomach anymore, my jeans have lost most of the elastic in the waistband which leaves me constantly hitching up my drawers and the only shoes I can wear are sneakers because my feet are always sore. These things in themselves are enough to support my theory that it is time for the baby to come out.
I talked to her this morning, out loud, and tried to explain that the world out here is fun, and everyone wants to meet her, and if she just comes out this week she will get to meet her uncle. I told her I would feed her and hug her close and keep her bum clean, and that there were lots of warm blankets and sleepers for her so if she is worried that it might be cold, she really does not have to, we will keep her warm. I told her we want to look at her and she can finally meet her daddy which is that deep voice she keeps hearing. I told her to keep her chin tucked down and remember to turn around the right way and then make her way on down. Please. Please, baby, come out.
Whether she listened to me, who knows?
Tomorrow I have to get some blood taken and I am going to ask my friend if she wants to get together for lunch or a coffee and we have our weekly MW appointment and maybe, just maybe, I can convince her to give me a stretch and sweep.
wunderwuman at 12:46 p.m.