01.19.06
Baby, baby, baby
I am generally a great sleeper. Once I am out, I sleep until the alarm goes off. But lately, I have been getting more and more restless during the night. I wake up on average of at least four or five times and it takes me a while to fall back asleep. I have always been a back sleeper and when I heard that I should not sleep on my back I thought that it would be a problem. I can fall asleep on my side, but as my belly is growing, I wake up every time I roll onto my back because it is getting more and more uncomfortable, so I think that contributes to my new sleeping pattern. Also, my lower back is killing me. I have always had a bad-ish back. I say bad-ish, because with exercise and stretching and occasional visits to the chiropractor, it has never been too bad. That said? Once I quit work and no longer sat at a computer for eight or nine hours a day, my back got phenomenally better. . . until a week or two ago. The last two nights Steve has given me a ten minute massage which has done wonders, but still by late afternoon I am feeling tight and sore and cranky and taking it out on him.
Speaking of mood swings? Wow. I am Queen Moody lately. Like yesterday. Steve came home from work early because the power was out at the base, so we decided to tackle the spare room, him hanging pictures and me cleaning it up because his sister is coming this weekend. And I was just so snappy and then cranky and then immediately sorry for all of it. I am impressed constantly by his patience. Sometimes I wonder if he had any idea what he was getting into with this pregnancy thing. There are times when he tells me to stop, to calm down and not be snarky, which make my blood boil for a split second while I think You just cannot understand what it is like. . . this is not my fault anyway, if you would just put the toilet paper back on the roll I would not have to get mad at you in the first place and then I realize that I am being a little irrational and I guess toilet paper is not really all that important anyway.
All complaints aside and onto something much more exciting and wonderful. . . I forgot to mention it, but I have been feeling my baby move. I am not quite sure when the first time was. A couple of time in the Dominican I thought I felt something, but what with my, ahem, intestinal difficulties while I was there, I could never be sure. Then nothing for a while. Then I started feeling these weird twinges by my pelvic bone that I attributed to growing pains but when I told the midwife about them she smiled and said that any strange twinges I was feeling were probably the baby moving. After that it seemed that the twinges changed into something different and definitely my little baby.
Two nights ago we were laying in bed reading and Steve leaned over and unbuttoned my top and started lightly rubbing my breast, and immediately I felt something moving around in there. I told him yesterday and sure enough last night he pulled the same boob-rubbing trick. I laughed and asked him if he was trying to get the baby to move and he smiled and said yes. Sure enough, I felt that funny little feeling. Just as I was typing this entry, I felt some movement, too.
I have heard it described as a fluttering feeling and similar to gas bubbles, so from week 17 on, I was waiting for any kind of strange feeling that could possibly be some sort of movement. It is kind of hard to describe. I kept wondering if I felt the baby move and did not realize it and then it seemed that once I stopped wondering if every fart was actually a kick, I realized that some of those funny feelings were my baby. And although I cannot accurately describe the feeling, it is one of the most amazing things I have ever felt. I cannot wait until they are strong enough to feel from the outside so Steve can feel his baby kick, too.
There are tons of baby thoughts floating around in my head lately, most of which involve worries or apprehensions about labour and delivery. It seemed as though once I hit the halfway mark, everything changed and I realized that this whole pregnancy thing was so much more than carrying a secret around that no one could see, trying to eat well, thinking about health more, but that at some point, this fetus was going to become a child and there is only one way for that to happen and oh my God it is through my vagina and they say we are built for it but can I really fit a baby out through there and what about all these things like forceps and vacuums and suctions and is that really what an episiotomy is and dear Lord I do not want one of those and forget the pushing part, what does it all feel like up until that point and will my breasts ever be the same again, let alone the rest of my body? I have been reading about certain aspects of delivery, trying to decide what it is that I want and wondering if it is actually reasonable to make up a birth plan because I do not want to get my heart set on doing things a certain way and then be disappointed if the plan has to change, but one thing that makes me feel comfortable is the thought that not only is it a woman who will be with me through my labour, but not a doctor and so, in my mind, less likely to do an episiotomy, shudder. She seems so calm and kind and reassuring that I liked her right off the bat.
And today, of course, is the big day, ultrasound number two. I have been thinking about what they are going to tell us. The most important thing is that all the organs are formed and the baby is so very healthy. I always thought that was kind of a crock when expectant parents said they did not care if the baby was a boy or a girl, but just wanted it to be healthy, God, it is so true! Because really? I want both, and I can see us with either and I will be so happy either way. But all I really want in my heart of hearts is a strong healthy baby with a fully developed brains and body. That said, I am still excited about finding out what we are going to have.
Well, this turned out to be quite the entry after all. I have to change our extra bed for our house guest tomorrow and finish tidying up this room. The dishes are piling up but I have decided to wait until this afternoon to wash them. Also there is, as always, laundry to be done and salt and dirt on our floor that needs to be swept and mopped. But Steve might not go back to work after the ultrasound today so I am waiting to recruit him before committing to doing it myself. He is, after all, the designated sweeper and mopper in the relationship.
wunderwuman at 10:50 a.m.