03.15.03
I hear from the nurse that he's gotten much worse
Do you remember the summer we went to a cottag on a lake with your parents? Do you remember the night we layed in the dark and talked about our dead grandmothers, and both cried quietly in our own beds as we talked about our memories? I think about that night a lot. Last night I layed in my bed and thought about you. I thought about how much I miss you, and how much I wish you were here.
My uncle is engaged. Yes, the widower. His name is on a tombstone beside my aunt's, and he's promising to spend the rest of his life with another woman. And it doesn't hurt in the same way that it does hurt. And I wonder what it does to my mother.
Sometimes I want to run away. I want to be someone different, with a different face and a different body and different friends in a different city, and I think that maybe that would help this feeling inside of me.
Did you know that i quit drinking? Because I was starting to scare myself. My stories were becoming the same, the silly things I've said while drunk. I was trying to drink away a hole inside of me. But, at the same time, I'm scared to find out why that hole is here in the first place.
Do you remember that sometimes I foret to tell you I love you? Do you remember the days we played in the sun, our bikes were horses. Do you remember me? Because today, I need someone to.
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