04.29.02
The cowboy in me
*sigh*
Last night I talked to Zach for the first time on forever it seemed. I worry when he's down, when he tells me his worries.
I layed in bed last night, before I was ready to sleep. Closed the door, turned off the lights and layed under the blankets. I looked at the dark and thought.
I thought about what i would say to the boy if he were here beside me. What the summer is going to bring. The distance between us when we reach the point of not being able to see each other for two and a half months. How close Truro and Halifax are, but how far they could seem.
Last night as I layed in the dark and thought, I made everything work. This morning I woke up a little sad because everthing seemed more clear, and at the same time, impossible. That's the way it is with this boy. He leaves and then my thoughts become clear and rational and I see that this can't work for much longer. I've been thinking "This can't work for much longer" for a while now. But as soon as I hear his voice on the telephone, let alone see or touch him, all my rational thinking flies out the window. Most of the time I don't even remember the speaches I had prepared for him. and all that is left is this desire to be with him and no one else.
Most likely I'm being foolish and he won't want a longdistance relationship. It's still not even decided where he'll be next fall. I've just been allowing my mind to run wild on me these last few hours.
wunderwuman at