04.28.02/2
Haida Style Carver
I was once told by a girl who's seen a lot that you never know how much you really love someone until you can't be with them. Maybe it's just the pain of seperation, or maybe it's the truth.
I didn't expect to miss Zach this much. Remember that whole "lying to myself" thing? Yeah, it comes into play here. But every day, every second thought is him. Not even thoughts so much as it's just always there in the back of my mind.
It's this feeling, I don't know what to do about it. There's no answer that I want to hear, the only one is that it's over, I guess. Except with every part of me, I don't want it to be over.
Now, it looks as though he won't be going to Maine. He can't afford it, because it's ridiciously expensive. And so maybe it will be Truro. Which is only a megre hour away from Halifax. And so my mind won't stop wandering.
I've never wanted to think about maybe would a long distance relationship be worth it. And now I am, and deep down, I'm not even sure if it's really an option.
This heartache is so much different than with the other boy. Then it was desperation, tears and punches and rages against him. Now it's a few tears in the morning. Sleeping with a pillow at my back and another in front of me to hug so I notice his absence less. It's counting silently the weeks until I see him again. It's thinking of other things but not stopping thinking about him at the same time.
It's as real as real gets, not that any heartache isn't real. I just don't understand how it can be time for this to be over when both of us want desperatly to hold on. Not for the sake of holding on, but for the sake of love.
Conversation:
Boy: You know you've done?
Girl: What?
Boy: You've made me fall in love with you.
Girl: I didn't make you do anything, you did it all on your own.
Boy: No, you stole me.
Girl: You stole me, too.
wunderwuman at