12.10.01

Baby, completely wrapped up in you

9.36

Wote up some Christmas cards. Tomorrow I'm getting my hair cut and dyed and going Christmas shopping. After all that is done, I will officially have nothing to do. For the rest of the week. Well, I'll probably help Mum do some stuf to get ready for her party. I so hope he can come. He asked if we could have sex on my pool table. I think that's a fantasy of every boy.

The song that I'm listening to reminds me of drinking Zambooka in a boy's basement getting ready to go to a party. Times like that were fun.

8.41

My mother gets stressed the same way that I do, but more easily. I blame it on menopause. And because she's the same as me it drives me absolutely crazy. So when she told me to back off I went into my room, put pictures into photo albums and started to unpack. And called my boy.

He has to work until midnight on Friday and then at eight on Sunday morning, but he's going to try and get his Sunday shift off. And take the bus on Saturday here. He asked me what my house looked like, asked me if my parents cared if he came, asked why I wanted him to come. I told him I wanted to see him. Hopefully he gets that shift off. I told him that Shooting Star reminded me of him, and he liked that.

4.31

I'm going to call him at seven. It's not coming fast enough though. He's not online. Blah.

I like this Kylie Minogue song. Can't get you outta my head, boy your lovin is all that I think about.

Come on seven o'clock.

3.45

Damn the distance. Damn the mother who wants to protect her daughter, 'cause she got her heart broken last time.

I dunno. She's hesitant about this, I can tell. I can always tell when she's hesitant about things I'm doing because we're so damn alike. The quiet ok's, when I ask her if what I'm doing is alright, she says, you can do whatever you want, it's your life. I wasn't asking permission. I was asking for your approval.

I hate breaks away from people - too much pressure. My feelings change on a daily basis, and on a daily basis I think about what's in front of me, not what isn't.

I layed in bed last night looking at my ceilng, my window, my wall, unable to sleep. And I realized that every crush, every time I like a boy, I make sure to insist how it's so different from last time. And it never is, cause I always want it to be too much. This, with him, I don't know what it is. He has potential to stay in my life for a while, but that doesn't mean he's going to. I dunno. I'm tired, I need a nap.

12.42

I just saw the funniest thing possibly ever. Chloe and Brady from Days of Our Lives were on some Jewish talk show shoted by two gay men promoting their new Christmas album. And they sang Silent Night together and it made me laugh and laugh the whole way through. Ahhh, when Salem crosses into the real world, it becomes too much.

11.27

I'm in love with the new Garth Brooks song. yeah. It's country. But I'm a country girl, and I have a weakness for country music.

Douce, one of the guys from the boys team who I've been getting to know and who cracks me up, he asked where I was from. When I told him, he laughed out loud and said, "Awesome! Small town people are the best."

I just blame it all on my roots.

9.46

Wow. Last night I had fucked dreams. That I made an entry at seven o'clock this morning, that I had sex in Peter MacKay's (an MP who I want to work with this summer) with a guy from my highschool, and then again with Jimmy in my bedroom later in the day. In my dream, I tried to justifyit to myself, told myself that Zach didn't own me, that I just wasn't going to tell him. That's the second night in a row that I had a dream that I cheated on him.

My mom is writing her History of Art exam today. Once she gets home her and I are going to buy some gorceries, because there is absolutely nothing to eat in my house. As in I've never seen our food source so low. I wonder what I can eat for breakfast.

Before she gets home I'm going to run on the treadmill and lift some weights and shower. At least if I can't go to the gym over the break, I can work on my cardio.

P.S. - Mum meausred me and I grew about a half inch since September. Exactly how exciting is that? I'm pretty fucking stoked. I have faith that before I turn 25 I will have reached 5'4". Mark my words.

wunderwuman at

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