12.09.01

If you court this disaster I'll point you home

9.26

I worry about her a lot, but when she says stuff like that, it makes me know, positively know that she's gonna be ok.

I took a bath, soaked in baby oil and scented body scrubs, surrounded by fat candles. I don't often take baths, but when I do, I really enjoy them. I heard the phone ring and heard my dad say, "Zach? Ok, I'll tell her you called." So I hurried up a little, drained the tub, dried off, put on cozy pj's and called him back.

I invited him to my parent's Christmas party, I thought he would gasp and run in the other direction. But he souned pleased and said cool, he has to see if he's working or not. I got all giddy and shaky and *gah* I want this boy with me now.

7.41

Moment: clearing the table of dishes after my parents have moved into the next room t admire our Christmas tree. Wishing for the tenth time today that he was here. Imagining laying with him in my musty basement pretending to watch a movie. Hoping he calls tomorrow.

6.40

So my idea for my dad's present has developed. I got lost looking through old picture books of my parents before we were born, of us as babies, of our summer trips.

Then I got to thinking that I'm going to buy one of those frames with a bunch of pictures in it and make it for both my parents. I have a picture of each of them before they were married, one of them together in Europe on their honeymoon, one of each of us kids (between two and four) then a couple random ones as we were growing up and then one of them kissing at New Year's 2000, a recent one of us three and a family one we all took this summer. As long as I can find a frame to hold 12 pictures it's going to be a kick-ass present and I'm really excited about it! Tuesday I'll be at the mall looking. I love making fun presents.

4.42

I helped Dad put up the Christmas tree today. Trimmed branches, got stabbed by needles, arranged lights to near perfection, stodd back and smiled at each other, my mother hovering nearby.

I want to get my dad something really nice this year for Christmas. He's not easy to shop for, so I always seem to get him books, or cd's, which he appreciates. but I want something to say what I can't. To tell him how important he is, how much I love him. I was thinking about a double picture framce, one of him holding me when I was a baby and a recent one of us together.

I'm getting my hair cut on Tuesday (finally). I'm going to dye it dark red I think. I'm excited for a change, I've been blonde for a long time. Too long, I'm sick of it. I'm also going to go Christmas present shopping afterwards on Tueday and buy a new sexy, shimmery but clasy shirt to wear to my parents Christmas Party. I love Christmas parties. I love standing talking to my parents friends, sipping on wine and pretending that I'm all grown up. I guess I almost am all grown up.

I'm going to invite Zach. I don't want to make him feel trapped, I don't want him to feel like he has to come, like this is some sort-of a test, but I'm going to invite him. I hope he says yes.

wunderwuman at

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