08.17.01/2
Political rugby
I just called Amanda to ask about Frosh Camp. We ended up talking about rugby, of course. I don't even know if I want to play. The reason I play is because it's fun, but Paula and Cara don't make it fun. They make it unfun.
Supposedly, we're having five practices a week, and three fitness practices. That means three days of the week, we have regular practice and then fitness practice at night. And then games on Saturday. Like, what the fuck is that? There's no way they can honestly expect us to practice for seven hours at least three days a week! What about studying, and jobs? And life outside of rugby?? Fuck this. They're fucking retarted. I'm so stressed when I think about this, and it makes me so upset, I don't even know if it's worth playing. I want to play because I love the game, and the way it makes you feel. I don't want to make it my life, to have everything revolve around that.
We have a camp the 1st and 2nd of September supposedly. There was a letter that went out, though I haven't recieved it yet. Maybe it's at the postoffice. For twelve hours a day. Isn't that considered tourture somewhere by some person? We'll all be dead.
I feel like I'm going to puke. How can she expect us to make this huge commitment, when I know in my heart that I won't get playing time? I don't want to be shallow, or a primadonna, but I don't want to make that commitment if I'm not going to be able to play on the field at least half the time. It's so frusterating. In highschool I was one of the star players, and while I know that there are a lot of people on that team better than me, I also know that I have talent and desire to do well, and if they just trained me, let me practice, gave me a second thought as a player I could do it. I wish I didn't want to play, I wish it didn't upset me, I wish I could say "oh well" and walk away. I fucking wish there was someone else coaching us other than the two most competitive and stressful women I have ever met!!!!!!!!!
I'm sitting here crying about this. I shouldn't even play. Fucking hell. Dumb slut bitches. It's only a game! Why can't they see that? You don't have to be a blood hungry machine to get playing time! UGH! Now I don't even want school to start. I hate them I hate them I hate this I hate politics and personalities and stupid stressful completely negative of fun coaches.
This isn't varsity football. Stop asking for that level of commitment.
wunderwuman at