05.23.01
Comment faire un monde o� il n'y aurait plus d'exiles?
I've been converted. Today I talked about how I felt with Christian and had nothing but positive results. I told him that I was scared that he felt unconfortable around me because he might think that I liked him. I told him I was interested in getting to know him as more than a friend until I relaized how much he liked his girlfriend. He told me that he wasn't at all unconfortable around me and was concerned that he acted that way. I told him I was a dork and he agreed, and teased me. I never knew talking about your feelings was so beneficial until today.
So I'm going to try even harder now. I thought he would laugh or ridicule or worse reject me. He didn't. He's just a person. I find it easy to listen to people tell me how they feel, I don't know why I always think the way I feel is so unforgivable.
Yesterday I was down. Today I don't feel like anything in my life is so bad afterall. I don't feel like I need to go to a psychatrist. After my emotional outburst, after I cried and wrote some stuff, I tried on some clothes and put on the Notre Dame de Paris soundtrack and cleaned the house in my underwear. Today I was coached by Amanda how to talk to Christian about my uncertianities, and made him a toasted tomato sandwich for lunch. Then I skipped the last ten minutes of work to go grocery shopping, got home, ate supper, changed into my pj's, rolled some pennies, and am listening again to French music that I love singing out loud to. Life is good, my friends. No matter how cloudy some days get, the sun always always comes back out. Sometimes I forget that it will come back, but as soon as it starts to shine, I smile.
My throat is sore, my head is stuffy and I just spent a half hour trying to find my dad's cell phone number. Head honcho uncle Karl resigned today, six months early, and at my aunt's suggestion I called Dad and left a message to tell him, cause I don't think he knows. The politics surrounding this event are some what large, I'm sure, but I don't know what they are. I sort-of assumed that it was because he was being appointed somewhere else, but the reactions this news has received makes me think maybe that's not the case. I'm remembered two Christmas' ago Linda getting drunk and telling us of how tired and stressed from this job Karl is. How he's not happy. While I personally don't have that much respect for the man, I think he'll probably get a lot of slack for this decision. But there is nothing for me to do but wait, reveive the version of the story that will be told to me, and listen to the hushed voices behind bedroom doors that always seem to accompany my family's scandals. I wonder what the office gossip will be about this, and if I'll be uncluded in the discussions or not.
Well, even though it's only seven, I'm already in my pj's so I think I'll take a couple tylenol's, take out my contacts and watch tv in my parent's bed. I'll germ up theri nice clean pillows. . . heh heh heh. k.
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