05.06.01
The Politics of Unrequited Love
I'm in the middle I fear. Of an emotionally fueled misunderstanding. After months of unrequited lust, maybe it had to come to this. I hope that he doesn't say anything he regrets. Maybe his mind doesn't work that way, doesn't think about the bridges that may be burned. I don't know.
And as for her, I want her to be happy with Rick. No one deserves to get slammed. I hope he just doesn't say anything. Work it my way and pretend everything's ok. No, don't do that, because your anger will manifest itself into something else. Sadly, there is no escaping wthe way you feel inside. But I digress.
As it turns out, Ann was a little upset about some of the stuff I've said about her. About her getting the shot of attention I claimed she needed from Rick. I didn't mean it that way. No, I'm not backing out of something I've said, I'm explaining it better. Everyone needs attention. Simple and a well known but rarely expressed sentiment. I don't know what to say. It wasn't meant as mean or caddy. The thing with writing shit down is that it becomes cemented into reality, where if you say something, eventually it's forgotten. I'm not going to delete that entry, which is almost what I feel like doing, so that it can be forgotten. So Ann, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it the way I think you interpreted it. I don't know how to explain but to say that I need my own shot of attention just as much as you need yours. Everyone does I guess. But it's one of those things no one seems to talk about. So let me rephrase what I wrote: Things seem to be working out with Ann and Rick, which makes me really happy. In general but for her too. She gets a great guy who treats her well, and who doesn't want that really? Though people (me?) may deny how they (I?) feel, not many people would feel bad finding that.
Last night was good. I had fun, dancing and drinking and whatnot. The pizza didn't sit too well, and I thought it was going to come up this morning but despite Franny pulling over to the side of the road for me on the way home, I kept that and my breakfast down. Good girl.
Mom and Dad are leaving Saturday. They're looking foreward to it. And so am I. Parent-free, though they're not opressive, will be oh-so-nice for a couple of weeks. I need a shower. k.
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