01.19.08
People can say what they like, everything's gonna be alright
You know at any given time during my pregnancy with Leila I could tell you exactly how pregnant I was, down to the day. I just found myself wondering, am I going on 23 or 24 weeks? I am not quite sure what day my week changes, I have had to think hard at time when people ask about my due date and that list of Second Trimester Worries in my pregnancy book were read briefly at about 14 weeks and not since.
Things are just different this time around.
Hand on my belly at night, I have been feeling big bumps and rolls. The placenta is secured at the back, which explains these kicks so much earlier and all this movement (Leila's was out front). I asked if it was low, the tech wouldn't tell me, though, told me only the radiologist could say for sure. I asked if everything was ok, he said probably, but only the radiologist could tell for sure. I called my doctor's office and asked them to call me when the reading came back, to ease my worry, but they didn't call this week, so I will call them on Monday.
My ribs are starting to spread, my hips and pelvis have been crampy and feel like they are spreading and guess what? At 23 (or 24? Surely, not 25...) weeks I am producing colostrum (about a month earlier than last time - I chalk it up to already having nursed).
There is other stuff going on taking up some headspace, but Steve asked me to to talk (write) about it, and other things still, deep worries about friends that I haven't been able to form into words, even to her. I've been praying for her, although that may not mean anything, and for others, and for myself, although the church we wanted has no nursery running right now, which I find dissapointing.
My Monday to Wednesday work schedule seems to be working out well, although it occured to me (after we got our Income Tax Receipt and I realized how quickly those cheques I write add up) that two kids in daycare and part time work just isn't realistic, so I have some decisions to make. I'm trying not to worry about it too much.
I was at my parent's house the past two days, and find myself feeling more and more like a visitor there, as is natural I suppose. I have been talking to my mom less about things going on insdie, because her constant and vocal worry leaves me feeling guilty, stressed and frusterated. And so I felt distant, but a busy toddler kept us mostly distracted. I did get my hair done, and am seriously in need of (and looking forward to) my spa day that is approaching.
I am beginning to realize just how far away Africa seems to a very pregnant-feeling woman. They leave is less than two weeks, my husband, father and older brother, and while at one time, climbing one of the Seven Summits sounded like an amazing adventure, it is starting to dawn on me just how potentially dangerous it is. I told Steve I was afraid something would go wrong when he is over there (essentially unreachable). And while I am looking forward to my visit from Amanda and our weekend together, I am getting to the point (and I think that point not-so-coincidentally coincides with my third trimester, which is approaching quickly) where I am starting to feel quite vulnerable. I booked a meeting on April 11 in Nova Scotia this past weekend, and while I felt that five weeks pre-due date was early enough, it occured to me today that it wasn't the fear of going into labour while safe and sound at my parent's house, but while driving myself and Leila somewhere along the four-hour stretch of highway between us and them. So while Steve told me not to worry, that he would come with me if I felt that I needed him there, I am still reserving the right to cancel.
Anyway, I am going to change into my pj's and watch some tv, and fold my fluffy clean sheets before bed.
wunderwuman at 9:11pm