10.23.07
Feeling better
Thanks for the comments and phone calls, everyone. I am feeling better after laying low the whole afternoon yesterday, a relaxing shower, reading in bed and a good nights sleep. I sent Leila off to daycare again today, and plan on relaxing again, mostly. My mom has been a voice of reason, and I am thankful for her. And for Steve, who never questions my requests for rest. He put Leila to bed last night, got her up this morning, took her to daycare, bought me a tea, and basically takes such good care of me when I am fragile and tired, that one of my prayers at night is gratefulness for him in my life.
As I drove Leila to day care yesterday morning, she chatted and sang in the backseat, pulling off her toque and shoes, babbling to herself and I smiled and laughed and mimicked her noises and I was reminded again how utterly blessed my life is. What I ever did to deserve this amazing child, I will never know. But she is a constant ray of joy in my life.
Sometimes I think of having two kids, and I wonder how I will do it. Not the physical, not changing the diapers and the breastfeeding and the not getting to nap with baby because Leila wants to play. But the other things. Like how will I find the time to make supper, or clean, or do laundry? How will I manage to find the time to have a quiet night with just Steve and I? How in the world will there be enough left at the end of the day for me, just me? It is scary at times, and overwhelming. Thinking about taking two kids to the mall or the grocery store. Worring about how Leila will adjust, if she will be jelous of all the cuddles and love the new baby gets. And Milo too. I worry that she will feel pushed further down the totem pole when puppy number two comes around. You know she did not leave my side all day yesterday? We napped cuddled on the bed and she stayed beside me all night, with her head on my legs.
Anyway, on the whole I am feeling better, despite a scare. My cramps have eased, although I have had a couple waves this morning and am hoping that the doctor will break out the doppler tomorrow morning. My ultrasound is in a week from today and I really cannot wait to get a first little glimpse of my little guy (yeah, you heard me, I am completely getting boy vibes, and have already started referring to him more than I should), but I would more than happy hearing that sweet sweet thuk-athuk-athuk-athuk that is like calming music to my ears. And as my mother reiterated to me this morning, I am already desperately missing my midwives.
wunderwuman at 8:58 a.m.