9.29.07
Can you believe this?
Hi! Guess what? I am pregnant!
I will just sit here and let that sink in. Yeah, I know.
But the fertility issues? But climbing Kilimanjaro? But we were going to wait until the winter to start officially trying (although why the hell I thought that since we have a healthy sex life and use no protection), but I mean, there were no BBTs or awaiting BFPs, or decisions about Clomid that I was dreading and then adoption and all that stuff.
I found out about a week ago. And the stinker? I really do not even know how far along I am. Judging by my HCG levels and the fact that I had an ultrasound in July, no less than six weeks, no more than nine.
Heh, heh, heh, holy shit.
I am feeling. . . well, a little overwhelmed to tell the truth. There are starting to be shimmers of happiness, but oh God, all that weight, and my boobs, and the milk, sweet Moses there is so much milk and ughhhh, all the weight. And I really think that not even knowing how far along I am is kind of making me feel disconnected with this baby. But then there are moments of happiness, like when I rocked Leila before bed the other night, straddled on my lap, her head in my shoulder and I realized that my two babies were belly to belly. Or when I thought about a little heart beat-beat-beating away, working so hard.
The kicker of it is, I have been praying for another child. Not a child today, not even tomorrow, but one day, please, just let us have at least one more child, let me go through it all again. And here I am, pregnant despite projected fertility issues, six months ahead of my little schedule, but beat-beat-beating along none the less.
That said, there have been three BFP's and a blood test at the hospital and awaiting notice of an ultrasound. It was like everything clicked. Ohhhhhh, so that is why my boobs were so sore a few weeks ago, why I could not keep my hands off Steve, why my pants were feeling a little snug, and why I have been feeling so queasy in the mornings. Now that you mention it, my bras are getting tight and my bathing suit did seem small when I put in on a few weeks ago.
So here I am, waiting (dying) for an ultrasound to know when I am due (I suspect June and helloooo June babies!) and then a first prenatal, though sadly there are no Midwives in New Brunswick (anyone know otherwise?) so I will be pawned off to an OBGYN at 24 weeks, but at least I had such a positive experience last time and I feel confident enough to ask for what I want.
So work on Monday and, shit, a bun in the oven.
wunderwuman at 4:13 p.m.