7.31.07
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PCOS. Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome. My ultrasound showed a textbook picture of PCOS ovaries. Multiple small cysts, thin endometrium. And yet I have no other symptoms (acne, excess weight, excess body hair). I will be sent for more tests, and to a specialist. Sent for a cancer test, just to be sure. Oddly enough, probably put on diabetes medication as it seems to help women with PCOS. And the reminder that this is not a diagnosis and that we are still investigating.
I will have to go back in a few weeks, although the doctor was good and sincere and concerned and listened to me. I left with a good feeling, and pushed the scary thoughts out. I asked her if it was something that gets worse with time, and when it comes to infertility, how can my uncomplicated, surprise pregnancy be explained? She told me to give it whatever name I wanted, but for some unknown reason, I dropped an egg in September, 2005. I choose Miracle.
And she is a miracle child. Her smile makes me melt, the way her eyes sparkle. Last night I stripped off her diaper and as she started to crawl away, I pretended to chase her and kiss her ribs. She squealed with laughter, over and over again. She has taken to calling everyone Dada. She pokes herself in the chest and says proudly, DADA! we laugh and she does it over and over again. But she bumped her head yesterday, and as the big fat tears rolled down her face, she buried her cheeks into my neck and sobbed mamamamamama.
More children may come at the cost of fertility drugs and heartache, or they may never come at all. I am not ready to go there yet, though, not ready to think those thoughts too often. But even if there are no others, we have this little miracle in our lives. Inexplicable, yet inexplicably amazing.
wunderwuman at 1:35 p.m.