7.20.07
Blinders
Amid a flurry of phone calls, I have managed to get in for an internal ultrasound on Tuesday in Nova Scotia. That requires an unexpected three day trip to stay with my parents, but they are more than excited for a visit with Leila, and I am more than willing to travel to get this damn thing on the go.
Have I ever mentioned the extensive cancer history in my family? To name a few, breast, lung, brain, prostate, skin, bone, eye, and Hodgkins Lymphoma. And despite all of my blinders being deliberatly put up every day, I have quite a few symptoms of ovarian cancer. Quite frankly, I am afraid. Part of me wants to hide under my pillow and ignore it all. Painful intercourse, lack of period, but lately there has been this gnawing fatigue, and I get dizzy, like, all the time, and then very lately (within the last two weeks or so) I have been really bloated. I find it unconfortable when I lay on my back and Leila sits on my belly, it feels like pressure, like there is something in there that she is squishing. In any case, Ovarian Cancer usually affects women over forty, and you know how if you read the symptoms for something, you can convince yourself of anything. Our sex was getting better for a while there, but then the past couple times, it has been uhhhh, uncomfortable again, to say the least. The bloating really concerns me, to tell the truth.
I am trying not to focus on this stuff though. My ultrasound is Tuesday and then a week later I have another doctor appointment and hopefully the results will be there by then. If not, I am sure she will call me back in when she gets them and we can go from there.
Steve is away tomorrow and Sunday, did I mention? And his mom called and asked to take Leila Saturday afternoon and night and promised to return her Sunday morning. Since I had no legitimate reason for saying no (other than what the hell am I supposed to do with myself all day Saturday??) and I was dissapointed that it was pissing down rain this morning and I did not get my long run in as planned and no baby tomorrow is a great thing for my running scheudle, and once I thought about it for longer than three seconds, an empty house sounded less lonely and more wonderful, so I said that I would drop her off around noon tomorrow.
But for now I am going to go munch on a snack and read my book.
wunderwuman at 1:41 p.m.