2007-06-18
How could I deserve more than this?
One year ago, we were sitting in the heat five days home from the hospital, staring at this new person cradled (constantly) in our arms. And now she crawls and yells and laughs and babbles and I still simply cannot believe how I love her more today than I did last year.
We are trying some tests and ultrasounds (remember I mentioned I have not been ovulating?). The whispered words problems with fertility have surfaced a couple of times, and I sat on the couch and cried the other day at the thought of never carrying another child in my body, never breastfeeding, that all of Leilas first may also be my lasts.
And yet, through all of these mixed feelings, I watched her smash cake and ice cream onto her face and I watched her eyes twinkle as she laughs and I wonder how greedy I must truly be to ever feel that I deserve more than her.
wunderwuman at 7:29 a.m.