01.03.07
Resolutions
I have been meaning to write this entry for a while now, a few days anyway. I have been thinking about New Year Resolutions and how they usually revolve around losing weight or some practically unachievable task like training for a triathlon. I have been thinking to myself about myself and wondering what it is that I could do to improve myself.
We were in the mall the other day, exchanging a sweatshirt for Steve. It dawned on me as we pushed the stroller through the crowded halls that I really do not feel that great about myself. I have always had a pretty good self esteem. I am not saying that there has not been days, sometimes even months, where I felt ugly and stupid and was pretty down on myself. But generally, I have always held my head up high, I have always walked straight, and if nothing else, been proud of my ability to stay fit. And even though I have lost all of my baby weight, even though I am happy and in love, I still feel kind of. . . frumpy.
Maybe it is because I have a little person tugging at my breasts throughout the day. Maybe it is because I mostly wear nursing shirts. Maybe it is because my stomach still has that weird wrinkly skin on it and this strange dimple kind of thing underneath my belly button and I am starting to worry that it will never go away. When Steve tells me how beautiful and sexy he thinks I am (because he has, through the enormous pregnant belly, the round squishy belly afterwards, the constantly leaking breasts), I smile and say thank you but never really let myself believe what he says. And why not? I used to.
And so my resolution is this, to talk positively to myself about myself. To tell myself I am still sexy, regardless of what the skin on my belly looks like.
The wedding plans are coming along, although the reception is still in the works. We ordered tuxes yesterday and I have to figure out what I am going to do about bridesmaid dresses. I know what kind of flowers I want, and what the centerpieces should look like. Instead of gifts for the guests at the reception, we are going to make a donation to a charity. I think we will probably have chicken as the meal.
And did I mention that my parents are headed to Antarctica in two days? They have taken the term going south to a whole new level. They fly from Toronto to USA somewhere to Chile, board an ice breaker to cross the Drake Passage. It is the only place on Earth that a body of water is not interrupted by a land mass, so there is nothing to break the waves or bad weather.
Anyway, a load of laundry awaits, as does my knitting. Also there is a run I need to go on and some weights that need to be lifted. Until next time.
wunderwuman at 7:36 a.m.