08.18.06
Still alive. . .
Hello, me again. Seriously, how does the summer continue to fly by so quickly? But, ah, Nova Scotia, so good to be here. Kingston was great and hot and exciting waiting for the guy to finish drywalling our basement and looking at paint samples and enjoying the air conditioning and eating breakfast on our new patio furniture, but here we are swimmingin the ocean every day (how I miss the salt water!) and talking walks every evening and going for runs a few times a week and watching movies at night and taking naps and making love and enjoying every moment, even on the rainy days.
Leila is getting baptised on Sunday, we met with the Minister yesterday and I had one of those moments, where I realize how big of a responsiblity parenting is, and the enormity of the promise that I will be making on Sunday, to her and to our family and to God. I think I will probably cry.
Other good news, my libido is (finally) starting to come back. The midwife told us to wait at least two weeks after giving birth to try having sex. We waited about three before we tried he first time, which lasted all of six seconds because it hurt and gave me an extremely vivid flashback of puching Leila out which broughtme to tears. So we practiced a couple times (translation, not finishing) and then we we at about once every three days, had moved up to once every two days and then this morning I found myself thinking about sex even though our record is twice in th last two days. So hurray for that!
I guess I am starting to feel more like myself in every aspect. I am more rested, primarily, and my little champion sleeper, although she can be nearly impossible when it comes to putting her down for naps, has been sleeping for five to seven and a half hours at night. Which is absolutely wonderful. Although it means on the nights when she wakes up more than once (like last night) I find myself tired the next day.
I bought some new clothes for fall, and though they are no where near the size I used to wear, they are pretty and fresh and flattering and wearing something besides knit shorts and capris and the same two nursing tanks is bound to make any girl feel good.
Leila is good, and growing fast. She has lost her wrists, as they are now just lines in her arms, covered by her chubby skin. We have started wearing her in her Snuggli facing the front, she is falling nicely into her nighttime routine, she smiles all the time (especially when you wiggle her nose), and she may have given us a couple chuckles, but I am not quite sure. I am enjoying every second of playing dress up with my baby, and love to try on her little dresses. We bought a beautiful Christening gown this week in Halifax, and while we were shopping, numberous strangers told me how beautiful she was and how she looked just like a little doll. I smiled and said thank you, trying to control the stupid silly smile on my face and trying to keep my heart from exploding with pride.
While I was pregnant, I woried that I would not love her enough after she was born. After I had falled head over heels for this little grunty red faced mewing child, it never occured to me that it had only just begun. Every sigh, every smile makes my heart swell wth joy. Every expression she makes is pure emotion and I would never have imagined that I could feel this much love and fear and protectiveness and sadness and happiness about something so small.
But baby is awake and fussy so it is time to run.
wunderwuman at 12:45 p.m.