6.06.06
Some letters
Dear Starbucks,
On principle, I am not really into you. It is not like I hate you or anything, but you are overpriced and it kind of bugs me that all three of your sizes are big in three different languages. Plus, you seem to attract these really pretentious people who order these frothy milks with sugar and maybe a taste of coffee and apparently you can even dictate the temperature of your coffee and I just think that is kind of stupid and how much time do these people have on their hands anyway to decide what temperature they like their drink? And would they really notice if it was not the right temperature? Anyway, all that aside, Starbucks, you really perked me up today with your Vanilla Latte. I am generally kind of cranky lately and somewhat impatient and feel like I have nothing to do but sit and twiddle my thumbs and wash the clothes. But, I mean, how quickly does doing laundry get old? Pretty damn quick let me tell you. Anyhoo, you made me feel better today, and your overpriced latte was worth it. So, thanks.
love, kaitlyn
Dear Home-Remedies-to-Help-Start-Labour,
I have been having sex, taking Evening Primrose Oil, eating spicy foods, walking, drinking raspberry leaf tea and taking homeopathy sugar pills. Nothing works. The only thing I have not done is chug some castor oil, and I am about 24 hours away from trying that one. So take all your internet pages and helpful suggestions and reminders of how semen helps the cervix and how orgasms make your uterus contract (because, seriously, who can orgasm at a time like this? With sex being one position for the last two months and trying to ignore the heartburn and kinks in my hips. Certainly not me) and whatever else nonsense you want to spit my way and shove them up your arse. This child is not ready to be born and I cannot understand why!
love, kaitlyn
Dear Baby,
Pleeeeeease, please come out soon. I love you and want to see you and am starting to get ridiculously emotional about this whole thing and tend to break into tears when I think about our ultrasounds and I am starting to worry because you have been inside for so long and you have not moved a lot in the last 24 hours and I want to meet you and see you and stare into your eyes and get to know you before we have to go to Nova Scotia and share you with a bunch of people. And I want to see what nursing feels like and I want to start thinking about losing weight and I just cannot understand what is so great about my uterus. It is small! And cramped! And I fart a lot so it must get noisy! So come on out. Please.
love, kaitlyn
Dear Ticker,
I am about to take you down, because you taunt me with your Zero Days Left. There are more than zero days left and I have no way of knowing how many!
no love, kaitlyn
wunderwuman at 1:14 p.m.