05.05.06
Sunny TGIF
36 weeks. That number has been ringing around my head for the past couple of days. I flip through my pregnancy book and when I get to the page to read about my babys development, it is almost at the end. I get out of the shower and look at my body in the mirror and am constantly astounded at how big I am and at the fact that there is a human being living inside of me, getting ready to come out.
I guess a part of me never thought that I would get here. At the beginning when my thoughts were centered around nausea and folic acid, 36 seemed so far away. And yet here I am, here we are, both of us waiting to meet this person we have been dreaming around for eight months. This person that we have prepared for, that we have lovingly picked put stuffed dogs and sleepers and diapers and baby soap. This person who, in a way, has a lot to live up to. This person of firsts. She is a first child, a first grandchild and a first great-grandchild. She is the first of a new generation.
I dream about her often, about a baby cuddled in sleepers, or changing her diaper. I day dream about taking her for walks with me and Milo in her stroller, and I think about feeding her, changing her, rocking her to sleep. In a way, I will miss pregnancy, as ready as I may be for it to come to an end. I will miss these leisurely days, I will miss stroking my belly and feeling her move underneath my hands, I will miss the inner dialogue we have and the delight I feel with her kicks of agreement or protest at my thoughts. And yet there is so much to look forward to. I dream of setting up her bedroom in our new house and of playing with her on the floor once she starts to interact. I think about next summer and buying her a little pool, I think about pigtails and sundresses, and often, for some reason, it brings me close to tears.
There is a couple in our prenatal class who are thirty five weeks pregnant and two centimetres dilated. Their doctor told them to expect a baby within ten days. They feel rushed and stressed and nervous and I told Steve I wanted our baby to come in ten days! I want to meet this little person, I want to see her and touch her and look at her eyes and hair and nose and mouth. I want to know if she looks like me or if she looks like Steve.
This pregnancy has not dragged on forever for me, although sometimes at night it feels like I may never sleep again, but I want to meet this baby, I want to hold her, and my impatience starts to build with these thoughts. Although if this child is anything at all like either of her parents, she will come when she is good and ready and not a moment sooner. She will do things on her own time and have a stubborn streak that is frighteningly wide.
But here we are, waiting another day. With yoga and laundry and walking the dog, happy that it is Friday, taking Milo to the vet for her shots tomorrow, signing off on our new house sometime this weekend, happy that it is sunny again today, and most of all, trying not to count the days or moments until this child is supposed to arrive.
wunderwuman at 10:34 a.m.