01.10.05
I don't want to make it worse, for cryin out loud
I didn�t write much last week. You know that feeling that there is so much brewing around inside your head, you don�t know what�s going to come out, let alone how to sort it.
I took my first of six GMAT course on Saturday. It�s a lot of math and a lot of thinking about little letters mixed with numbers. I always thought I would never need math again. Turns out all those teachers were right. Whoever decided mixing the alphabet with numbers should be duly punished. My confusion to make sense of algebra and fractions aside, I think I�ll be able to do fairly well on this test.
I�ve made some New Year Resolutions. They may be almost half a month too late, but I�ve made them and vow to keep them. I am going to train for a 10k run. It seems short after running a half marathon last year, but there is a method to my madness. I want to compete to place, I want to have a goal time set before I start the race, and I want to reach that goal. I also want to compete in at least one triathlon this summer. I�ll just do the sprint distance, which is very realistic for me.
So here are my three resolutions:
Place in a 10k;
do a triathlon; and
make at least 600 on GMAT.
In other news, last week was exhaustion and holding back tears and looking gloomily at the winter to come. This week is more slowly waking up, thinking about supper, thinking about the gym, trying to find solutions to some situations I�ve put myself in. Specifically my living situation. I can�t keep living between two places. I want to move out in April. I want to find a subletter, but want my roommates to be ok with it. I want to leave today, but don�t know how to tell my friends it really is me, not them. Jill and I were supposed to talk about it Saturday afternoon, but Steve threw his back out so I ended up canceling on her and babysitting for the rest of the weekend instead.
Last night I climbed into the bathtub with him as he lay there in hot water trying to relax his muscles. I curled up into him and finally told him what�s been bothering me for the last week or so. I don�t want to hurt anyone, but when I�m at that house I feel anxious and uncomfortable. I got a beautiful set of new pots and pans for Christmas and haven�t even unpacked them yet, because I�m not the one who will use them.
So it�s something that I need to deal with, and I�ll try. I don�t want to damage friendships, but there�s a voice inside me telling that they�ll be better in the long run if I leave now.
wunderwuman at