01.03.03
That's the way I want it to stay
I looked at this page last night, and was supprised by the amount of time I've let pass since I last updated.
December was what I wanted and knew it would be. Quiet, and thoughtful. Dreams and a few tears. Worries and thoughts about things that I want to happen, and things that may never be.
The second half of last term passed in a flurry of scheduled drunken nights and unfulfilled desires. This month-long break has given me time to think about me and my future a little, but mostly just about my present. My head is not quite so clouded. This comes and goes as always, but for some reason, things seem clearer than they have in a long, long time. Longer than I can remember.
I think about my first year, how it passed in a haze of grief and smoke. And then last year, when I was sad and serious so much of the time. And then this year.
It's impossible to analyze something as you're going through it. But I've been watching other people, reading what they've said. The nights they've been sad, they days they've been reckless, the nights the didn't care about anything. And I wondered, quietly, where it is that I fit into all these days.
I haven't talked to you lately, not ain a long while. A belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, and I'm not really sure if you understand that I've thought about you every day this Christmas break.
wunderwuman at