12.16.02
Is it cool on your island?
When I was younger, I used to think that there was no family like my family. My mother's side, we were close and happy, kids all within seven years of each other, and we were happy. Like no one else was happy. My father's side, horrible people. Shallow, adulterous, rich, and basically, empty.
Yesterday we had a Christmas dinner with my extended family on my father's side. we always do about half-way through December, instead of Christmas Day. And as I looked at them, at the new generation of babies that has been born within the last four years, and with the promise of another one this time next December, I wondered why I was so set on blocking them out.
I used to think that I wasn't normal. The older I got, the more I realized that no one really fit into what I had slotted as normal, and a lot of people were a lot like me in many ways. So maybe, what I had believed to be normal not only wasn't normal, but didn't exist at all.
Sometimes I feel as though people want me to be something I'm not. My mother, she wants me to be, well, I don't know what. But half the time it's something other than what I am, and the other half, it's exactly me. It really depends on the way I'm acting. And my father, I don'tknow who he wants me to be. I think he just wants me to succeed.
And here I am, still in the middle of what I want to be and what I feel obligated to be. As days and months and years go by, I feel as though I've changed so much, but then in some ways, I feel like I haven't changed at all.
wunderwuman at