10.02.02
I gotta get through this
I'm sitting here, writing an assignment for my Government and the Media class, talking to my friend Derek on ICQ and wishing that it wasn't already 11.30. And as my mind wander, I remembered something I've meant to write down in here for a couple days now.
After I'm out of a relationship, I spend the next four thousand months analyzing what I've learned, and what I went through and why it was good, and way it was bad. And it isn't until I can look at that person or get an emal from that person and feel no nervous stomach, no flutter of my heart, that I believe I'm really over them. And while this hasn't happened yet with Zach, I feel more over him than I did after Jimmy. Maybe it's maturity, maybe it's emotion, maybe it's that no one ever hurts you like your first love hurts you.
I also play this game with people. I try not to tell them things. I'll talk about my day and my feelings (sometimes) and anything else, but it seems that there's always a little something that I keep for myself. The stories of high school friends (as was the case with Zach), poems I've written, tears I've cried. And I hold onto these things, when I start to get scared. I look at them, hidden behind me and I look at the person who might hurt me or maybe already has and I think to myself, "See. If they don't know about these things, Kaitlyn, they don't really know you at all. So it's no big deal, and just let them go."
Sometimes, I wonder how crazy I am up in my head.
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