05.27.02
This is where I'm from
The things that I care about have slowly changed in the last year and a half.
I used to care about getting stoned. About the way people looked at me. About being aloof and mysterious. I don't know that I ever was mysterious, only lonely.
I used to walk to school and wish I would meet a friend that day. But I would sit in the same seat and smile at the same people and always go home to get high.
Now, I care about my body. About being strong, physically. About pushing myself until I collapse. I care about talking to Jill and Cindy every few days. I care about work, which is the first time this has ever happened to me - I've never had a job that meant anything to me.
I like laughing. I like goofing around. I like going to bed early and waking up at six o'clock, maybe to get up, maybe to sleep longer. I like the responsibility that my job puts on me. I like daydreaming, about Alaska, about France, about rugby, about Amanda's visit, about friends I haven't talked to in a long time, about Zach.
I don't know what I'm trying to say. Nothing that's new I suppose. I don't even know who really reads this. I like the feeling of feeling ok.
Last week I couldn't stop crying and worrying about things that are uncontrolable. My emotions always run wild the week before my period. They've settled out. I'm almost ready for bed, and it's still light outside.
wunderwuman at