05.04.02
Cheap champagne on ice
Today is my last day in Victoria. It's threatening to rain from a low, gray sky. It's two o'clock.
Traveling is strange. It makes my mind feel funny and my body feel tired. Zach asked me if I was homesick at all. I told him that everytime I go away, I'm a little homesick. This time it's for him, for my mom, for my windy little city sitting on the boarder of the Atlantic Ocean. If I'm always a little homesick, I wonder what it is about traveling that I like so much.
It's the doors opening, the expansion of your world. The things you discover that you didn't know existed. Or the verification of the things that you did.
This morning I layed in bed listening to the sound of a lawnmower running. I took off my pyjamas and layed there for an hour, just naked. I thought of Zach. How he slides his hand and arm up my stomach onto my breats when I'm laying on my side with him behind me. I thought of the lazy days we've spent together, laughing and kissing. Of the time he said, "It's going to be a long time before anyone touches you with as much love as I feel right now."
Last night we saw Spiderman. I loved it. John and I were going to go to a pub afterwards but decided to hang out at his place instead. Half of me wishes he was still in Halifax so we could do that more often. but he's my brother, and there will always be time for those hours spent together. Even though I know that's not the truth, I don't like to think differently. If either of us died tomorrow, I would be happy with the time we've spent together.
I'm looking foreward to the time with my mom next week. I hope it doesn't rain like it's supposed to. I'm looking foreward to starting my new job with a boss who is fair but doesn't take bullshit from his employees. I'm looking foreward to the two days I get to spend with Zach in a tiny town, whose glory days have passed it. And I'm looking foreward to him spending time with me, in my new appartement.
I don't know how many weekends we'll have together this summer. I don't know where he'll be next year. I don't know what is going to happen when he goes to be a counsellor for the ten weeks that we may not see each other.
I'm trying to think about the nice things. The way his voice softens when he is about to tell me he thought of me, that he loves me. I'm thinking about the way he called me yesterday afternoon to say he loved me, because the night before he had been too tired to talk and was worried I was worried. I don't mean to gush.
Tomorrow morning at 7.50 I will be on a plane to Toronto, then Atlanta, then Ft. Myers. Tonight when I get home, I may update again, but if I don't, I'll be back in a week.
wunderwuman at