12.04.01
Gone to Carolina
Yesterday after my exam Jill and I decided to go to the pub for a beer. The two hot boys from our class were there, so we sat with them, and before I knew it it seemed like a good idea to buy a pitcher instead of a berr and then one pitcher turned into two. Then all of a sudden I was drunk.
We all exchanged phone numbers and e-mails and one boy and I made huge eye contact, he's totally hot and I'm totally attracted to him. I wanted to reach over and touch his hand, or stretch my leg underneath the table and rub my foot up his pant leg. But I didn't. Because I kept thinking about Zach.
This morning he told me of a dream he had and it worried me. If dreams are manifestations of things that worry you, this boy is scared he's going to hurt me. I layed in bed, half asleep after he told me that, thinking of my dream (that tells me I'm scared of being taken advantage of) and felt like crying, felt like telling him it was over.
I don't know why I do that. Something good and I want to stop it. I thought of Adam (boy from class) and thought about sleeping beside him, about what it would be like. And as attracted to him as I am, I don't want to sleep beside him.
Wednesday night Adam might come drink with us. I have the chance to throw this all away. I have the chance to end it with Zach. I don't want to, but I guess it's just the same ol' me, still scared of getting hurt.
wunderwuman at