11.05.01
God Damned miseries
I blame a lot of my innability to convey my emotions, my mistrust of others, on my father's family. I know exactly who I inherited this sense of unfounded pride and stubborness from. But she's dead, and even if she weren't I'd never tell her that.
I told Geoff we needed to talk. I called Gretchen and we're meeting on Wednesday to talk. I don't think she knows, which makes this harder. But by God, I may be too stubborn and too proud, but I'm going to get over it. I may feel like a shitty person and a shitty friend, but I won't forever. I'm not going to cry and feel sorry for myself, while I say there's nothing I can do to stop this way I feel.
A man who works in a Hospice has been with over 100 people when they've died. And he said that the two most common questions are "Am I loved?" and "Have I loved well?" I know I'm loved. But lately, I haven't been loving very well. And I think that needs to change.
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