09.29.01
Christmas is coming early this year
Last year Christmas wasn't fun. But it meant something more than any other Christmas had. And I knew it was the beginning of something major changing.
This year, John isn't coming home. And we're leaving the day after Christmas to go on a family vacation. Two years ago if I had been asked if I would be supportive of time away from home at Christmas I would have said, "Never." But my notions of Christmas have changed. You lose people you love, and they're gone forever. And hurt fades, but you don't ever really stop missing them.
I get scared for the day when my parents die. I get scared of the idea of never being able to call home again and love my mother. I get scared of the day when my father isn't home. When my mother lives there by herself, heart breaking.
And when they say, "Let's spend some time with just us. Over New Year's." I don't care about getting fucked up and having casual sex with someone. I care about them. And I can't wait to see John again.
wunderwuman at