9.7.08
Can we make sense of this?
When I was in elementary school, we had a war veteran come and talk to us on Remembrance Day. I can't remember what he said, but I remember sitting on my knees on the gymnasium floor listening intently. The (perhaps inappropriate) romance that surrounds the First and Second World Wars in our country had not been lost on me.
He finished talking and we were prompted to ask questions. I put up my hand after a while and I asked him if any of his friends had died. He looked at me with an expression in his eyes, that even at eight years old I recognized as sorrowful and simply said, "Yes."
After such a simple answer, I felt that I shouldn't have asked that question. It made me realize that of course he had lost friends, and I felt juvenile, naive.
These soldiers of ours, being sent home in a fairly continuous stream of body bags, is tragic. I used to disagree with our troops being in Afghanistan. Eventually, I began to consider the women in that country. Who can now go to school, learn to read. And I realized, what happens to them if we leave? They go back to illiteracy, back to darkness.
There are arguments for both sides, and deep down, I'm not really sure where I stand on the whole issue. Mostly I feel like I don't really have a right to say, because I don't have to hold my babies tight every night and worry about bombs, about rape, about child soldiers. And so I feel the we have an obligation to human rights in this world, that we need to help somehow. Then I think of the women and children waiting here for their husbands and fathers. The ones who never come home, or even the ones who do, but come so broken beyond repair.
How can I decide where I stand, when both sides are filled with death and sorrow, blood and injuries? How can I bathe my children, put them to bed, rosy cheeked and squeaky, with kisses and stories, without having to be afraid of what news might come tomorrow, what bombs may fall? How can I justify any sort of statement at all?
We watched a movie called Stop-Loss a few nights ago and it was powerful. I highly recommend it, but not without a box of tissue. At one point, a woman said, "I can't be a military wife, I'm just not strong enough." And I thought, amen sister, because neither am I.
I can't lose Steve, not for eight months to a foreign country, and definitely not forever. He's my strength. He helps me be a better mother, he supports me and stands behind me in ways I never dreamed. When he runs his hands over my skin, I feel that God sent him here just for me, that what we have is spiritual. He is part of my children, we made them together, in complete love and respect. Doing this, any of this, without Steve is not a viable option.
So, with a heavy, heavy heart, I watch the news. About a soldier being sent home, one week early. I wondered if his family had let their guard down, if they had maybe stopped worrying a little. I know that so many survivors of Canadian troops say they believe their loved one died doing something honourable that should be continued. And part of me wonders if they truly believe that, or if it's what they need to believe to make a little more sense of it all?
wunderwuman at 8:15 p.m.