03.11.07
Cry for you
Although the last two days have been the first in about three weeks that I have actually been able to relax, I have still been preoccupied with thoughts about a fallen soldier. We have taken Milo to the park, played video games, made love and cuddled Leila, and in the back of my mind, I think of his family. Of his mother, sisters, father, uncles, cousins, girlfriend.
I have been thinking about how fragile life is. That you can never know the last time you make love, or the last time you hear your child laugh. It all seems so senseless, somehow. Accidents. How do you get over them?
I am not sure if I have said this here, but I support the mission in Afghanistan. I know a lot of people support the troops without supporting the mission, which in a way seems contradictory to me, but I think that Canada has a responsibility to be there. And yet, no soldiers death has hit home quite like this one. Because we are from the same place, went to the same schools? Or is it because Steve is the person who taught this man Combat Arms, who was in the Highlanders with him, who said to me, If I had not left the Reserves, I would have been over there with him. It is all of these things and more.
I thought today about Remembrance Day, 2006. How the county rallied behind them, and now what will next year bring? I have thought almost non-stop about his mother, my God, his poor mother. I watched his flag covered coffin being lifted onto a plane and I cried and cried.
It is not like I have never lost anyone in my life, but never my child, never my brother. I think about his poor family and my eyes well up every damn time. Because how do you get over grief? When does it go away?
I have not been able to find the right words to express myself, to explain this weight on my heart that makes me want to hold Steve close to me, to tell him not to leave. Because he will go. Not this year, not next, but one day, he will go over there. I cannot let myself think about it, because it always ends in tears and a bad daydream. So now, all I can do is pray for Kevin�s family and cry for them.
wunderwuman at 2:59 p.m.