08.11.03
Je n'aime que voyager
Well I'm home. I'm not sure that I want to get back into updating this thing, it did me good to stay away from computers for three months. But I felt I owed, perhaps, one last update.
I spent almost three full months beside a cold bay with lots of fog and I spent one of the best summers of my life. I felt and dreamed and spoke and loved in french. I let a boy inside of me, in more ways than one. I fell hard for him, despite some warnings that people gave me, and he fell the same way. I fell for his harsh Montreal accent, and his curly hair and his brown eyes and the way he cried out when he came and most of all, I fell for the way it was so easy for me to talk to him about anything I wanted to.
I saw that not everyone is muscular or thin, and that so many people are beautiful in thir own way. I got high, and I got drunk, and I peed in the bushes and laughed a lot, and did my homework, and received two credits for school and tomorrow I'm moving my furniture to Halifax, into a one bedroom in an eight story building on a tree-lined street.
And part of me is getting ready to go back, this one last time. But part of me would have liked to stay beside that cool bay, beside that sweet-and-sour boy, with those people I met. Beacuse I think of where I'm going this year, and I remember the men who act like boys, and the boys who try to be men by fucking easy girls, and the girls who are oh-so-sad but never let anyone see, or the fake, fake people I've met (there seems to be so many of them now that I've left). But there are beautiful people there too. It did me well, I needed to get away this summer. And now I need to go back for one last eight month stint. And really, there's no way I can know what will happen.
But there's that boy who might visit me before he drives back to Montreal, and there are friends I haven't seen for five months coming soon.
And so we prepare ourselves for what we can, though for most of it there is no preparation. And here are some lyrics that make me think of a combination of things, but mostly what I just learned how to feel.
J'aimerais parfois m'arr�ter
Trouver un endroit o� rester
Mais je n'aime que voyager
Et je ne fais que passer
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