11.02.04
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I started thinking today, and thinking about writing. I�ve been trying to remember to write, or even to think about more than little thoughts, but the days pass so quickly that I�m so tired before I know it and never manage to get through more than five or six pages or a book at a time, let alone begin to draw conclusions about my life.
But here I am, at a desk, with a regular pay-cheque, a VISA card, an RRSP, a boyfriend, and high heels. There was always a little part of me that never really expected to become this�
But my life makes me happy right now. I�m enjoying not having to think about heavy things, I�m enjoying the routine of my life. Supper and sex every night. No drama, no big arguments, good roommates, a baby kitten in my house, a nice dog at my boyfriend�s, and of course, him. The possible love of my life.
We talk about forever, and I mean it when I say it. We talk about living together, and my mom invited him for Christmas dinner (but we�re not ready for that yet).
The thoughts are there, though; that this won�t be enough for me forever. What I do everyday has no greater impact on the world around me. I watch properties develop, and I aide that. I put in place tenants like Dollarama and Blockbuster, and I don�t think that what I�m doing makes the world a better place.
I still take French classes but am bored with them. I�m past grammar and conversation classes, so I might take Federal Government certification, or the bi-lingual exams, and probably a class called Business French which teaches me to write memo�s and leave voice mails in French.
I think about my Masters, in the few scattered moments I get to myself, and I think about leaving. I think about all the schools I could go to. I think about if we�ll stay together, I think how this is the only time I�ve really wanted to stay together for longer than �right now.� I think about school in French, and school in English, and the places I could work all over the country, because part of me wants to go all over the country.
These are my days. Sometimes quiet, sometimes loud. I miss my friends who aren�t here anymore, even if they�ve been gone for a long time. I finally feel in touch with whatever it was that felt like it was missing. I�m trying to rebuild bridges, I�m trying to be a good daughter, I�m trying to be a good friend, and a good girlfriend. There�s more than work, and yet work is good, I like coming here. I�m going to the gym again, although I haven�t been eating enough vegetables. I�m balanced, I guess. La vie est belle.
wunderwuman at