11.25.03
There's something going on around here
There's always this feeling. The slight build-up of pressure as the end of term approaches. The day that you realize exams start in two weeks. Then in one week...
And I always feel a little sad, because first semester goes so fast, so I pacify myself by saying second is always a little longer, more drawn out. That is until Spring Break, and after that it's even faster. And then it's over, and although I know I will be, I don't want to be ready for that.
It makes me scared, and confused. Because there are the people I may never see again, and there are my friends who I've grown so close to. And there's this boy, who everyday gives me butterflies in my stomach, because he's called, or because he hasn't. Last night I let my tired insecurities get the best of me as I layed in bed. We don't see each other enough for my liking, but he's so shy, so timid, that sometimes I don't know what to do. I've never dated someone like this, and sometimes I'm not sure if I like it or not.
And then there are the drunken nights, that everyone seems to be cramming in more than usual this year. Because we all know it's ending. Although sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one, a friend said to me last week that it scares him to think of next year. And it was somehow reassuring that the girls weren't the only ones.
Then there are the friends who graduated last year, who laugh when I tell them about papers, or try to explain to me how they felt. Maybe it's because of the slight feeling of resentment I still feel towards her for what she did to me this summer, but her sympathizing feels patronizing more often than not.
But the weather's been good, I forecast a mild winter. I played touch rugby on Sunday, and hope to see Kris sometime this week. I've been tutoring a six-year-old and not missing too many classes. And I have a big decision to make, although I'm not going to get into that here, right now.
Take my thoughts for what they're worth
I've been acting like a child
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