11.03.03
Lay lady lay
I was set to write out a list of my insecurities in here, and then thought better of it. Saying the words out loud gives them strength. I've been good mostly, but there are these little voices in the back of my head. They tell me, "You're weird." "He saw your pot belly when he took off your shirt, he's not going to want to date you now." "You're probably not as pretty/nice/funny as the girl he dated last year." "He's manipulating you, all you have going for you is a cute body, don't flatter yourself, that's all he wants."
I try not to listen to them, but sometimes in the silence of night, or as I sit here quietly they start screaming.
Today I've been here in silence, because the rushing sounds in my head are loud enough. The tapping of keys as I write out essays, the grogginess that comes as goes with this cold.
Sometimes I need the music, the television, the water running. But somedays the silence sounds so good, it would be a shame to drown it out.
wunderwuman at