02.21.03
It's a marvelous night for a moondance
It's not easy for me to be honest with myself about my emotions. About becoming vulnerable, about being sad, or hurt. But this week, I've thought a lot about myself, and where my life is taking me.
I realized that I am looking for love. That I don't want to sleep with someone who I know I'm never going to feel that way about. That I shouldn't spend time with someone because it's convenient that I have a spare two hours tonight. I'm not desperately searching for a boyfriend, but I don't want to spend time with someone when I know that's never going to happen. It's not fair to them. But mostly, it's because it's not fair to me.
I guess this doesn't sound like much, to you. But it's a big thing for me. I need that possibility.
I thought that I could settle for Jason for a few months, something to do, other than my own hand. But I don't want that. I don't want to settle for someone who doesn't even make my stomach flip. For someone who makes me feel like I have to keep up my guard.
It may be hard to find someone who makes me feel like I want to open up and tell them how I feel, that makes me feel like I want to spend all my time with them, or that makes mme dizzy after I was kissing them because I forgot to breathe. These things don't come along everyday, but just because I'm bored, I'm not going to settle for less.
It's worth saving your kisses for someone who really wants them, as more than kisses.
wunderwuman at