12.05.02
There ain't no cure for love
This physical, this mental exhaustion, it gets at me, brings me down.
Yesterday was horrible. A boy who kissed me last week ignored me in the library. I wrote a two hour exam in the morning and studied for almost five in the evening. I came home to flashing messages from last year's boy asking me to talk about my feelings - when at that point, it felt like I had lost them all. I cried myself to sleep.
And then today. Friends who call, midafternoon, drunk, celebrating their return tomorrow to the Maritimes. And walking to the gym just to see who's there to be greeted by smiles and the cheer of raised arms. And my mother. Who bought me warm clothes to run in, and hugged me, and somehow managed to recharge my battery just enough so that I'm sure I can make it through. And then supper at a dingy pub we always frequent Thursday nights for cheep wings (with Pepsi this time instead of beer). And ice cream, and laughing, and reading my notes for too short of a time, and leaving the library. Sitting here in boys underwear and an undershirt, and feeling for the first time in maybe two weeks, that I can make it through.
I can make it through for a thousand reasons. But the main reason, the thing that meant the most to me today, was the happiness I saw on three people's face when I showed up unexpectedly. You can't fake those expressions. The reason I will make it through is because I am loved.
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