04.09.02
Days sliding by
Sometimes, with the changing of seasons, the changing of lifestyles looming around the corner, my thoughts run away on me. They always manage to come back though. After a good talk with Amanda yesterday, it felt like things were more in perspective. After a night of school books pushed to the floor so there was room for slow loving on a single bed, I felt alright again.
I've started going to the gym again, after a month-long haitus. I've started to have more energy, after working too hard at school these last few weeks. I've started thinking about moving, and getting excited about it. Thinking about my trip to BC. Trying not to think about the enevatable end that will preceed all these beginnings. Because it makes my stomach knot up. It makes me want to yell, and cry. It makes my heart hurt, and it makes me angry. At time, for betraying us. At him, for leaving. At myself, for falling so hard.
It makes me wonder how long my heart will hurt. What it will be like when I see him again, after a month long seperation. What it will feel like, if it will be slightly awkward, unconfortable. If he'll sleep in my bed. If he'll leave the next morning, leaving me feeling sad for what isn't there anymore. I don't know these things. They're the bad thoughts that make me cry. So I stay away from them.
I have an exam in half an hour. If nothing else, I'm pleased that school is almost over. Because planning my schedule for the summer is a little fun.
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