03.12.02
Hold my heart in your hands
I went for a walk tonight. To think. After Zach told me he didn't want to spend the night with me, because we stay up too late. I probably took that more to heart than I should have, but it still upset me. Unleashed this almost constant flow of tears.
As I was walking, a man was walking closely behind me. I thought about him attacking me, killing me and hiding me behind a building. I realized that I didn't have anything with me that would tell anyone who I was. How would the police identify my body, if that were to happen? And then I thought, who would really miss me at all?
Are these dangerous thoughts? Am I letting myself get too caught up in my own head?
I feel like I let myself go too far. Like I care more about him than he does about me. One month from tomorrow and I am finished my second year of university. All I have is the summer and then more of this - he has everything new. He's leaving and I'm being left behind.
I fell too fast and too far. I've let myself go. It's only been four months and I am in love with him. I shouldn't feel this way, I should have restrained myself, I lost the upper hand.
Why can't I shake this feeling?
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