12.19.01
Don't need a gun to blow your mind
I drove home from the mall and felt a little sad. I kept thinking about my uncle. Saturday he told my mom that he had just finished a year of prayers for her. So he blessed her with some holy water and that was it.
His name is right beside my aunt's on her tombstone. It's waiting there for him. I wonder what his girlfriend thinks about that. I wonder if she knows. He still can't say my aunt's name. Or won't anyway.
At the party, he was the worst to Zach. That was what I was expecting. That's how he is. He told him that he was my uncle, that he took care of me. Asked him what he wanted to do with his life, where he was going. I didn't say anything, but sat quietly on the couch and listened. It was a little unconfortable for me, but I needed to see how he'd re-act in that situation. He did well.
They talked about sports, Zach asked him if he followed football. And my uncle said the most I've ever heard him say.
"My wife passed away a little over a year ago, and I recently moved in with my girlfriend. She has two boys younger than mine, so I haven't had that much time on my hands." And he winked at me before he said that.
Zach asked me if my father liked him. Said that he acted brief and formal with him. Said that he left without saying goodbye to Zach who was in the kitchen. Asked if he did that because he didn't like him. I told him that my dad does things that can't be explained. And I wondered what he thought of my relationship with my father when I told him that I'm the one to initiate hugs with Dad. I didn't say that I tell him I love him and he only says, "goodluck." That sometimes I think he doesn't know when to change back into a father and a husbad instead of a buisness man. And I wondered if that's where my mistrust of men resides. In my father.
And that just made me really really sad.
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